On this page you will find a plethora of resources for termination of a desired pregnancy for medical reasons. Everything from resources for the birth, to grief, and honoring your little one.
Join the TFMR Facebook Group
Go here to join our facebook group and connect with hundreds of parents that have been through TFMR.
Resources to make your angel's birth go as smoothly as possible.
April's Birth Plan- Trisomy 13
This is the exact birth plan that we used for April's early induction. There is also a free printable option for you to have a copy if it helps.
Birth Plan Template (Early Induction/Medical Termination)
This is a copy of the birth plan that we put together for April's early induction. This is free for you to download and adjust to your needs.
We had a team of people at the hospital creating keepsakes for us. It was amazing. These are our favorite items that we look at all the time.
Crochet Weighted Doll - A Remembrance Item
This doll is made to be the exact weight and size of your angel. Custom colors for skin, hat, and clothes. I loved this doll so much, I ordered 2 more after receiving ours. One for my husband and me, and one for each of our living children. In this post you can read about the doll in detail, learn about the etsy shop that creates them, and get a discount code!
Stuffed Teddy Bear Animal Recordable Heart
We recorded April's heartbeat and then went to Build-A-Bear to create a Teddy Bear with her heartbeat.
Hand and footprints are something we love looking at in our keepsake box.
3D Prints Baby Casting Kit - Mold and Cast Infant Foot and Hand (Pearl)
One of our favorite keepsakes are the 3D molds we have of April's hands and feet.
Willow Tree Angel's Embrace, sculpted hand-painted figure
This Willow Tree figuring was gifted to me from another mom that has lost a baby. I treasure it. I've gifted this to first time moms that had to go through tfmr as well. It's beautiful.
There are so many things that happen after a child dies. This is a list of resources to make dealing with the process go more smoothly.
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep
"The Mission of NILMDTS is to introduce remembrance photography to parents suffering the loss of a baby with a free gift of professional portraiture."
Memorial Service- Maryland State Anatomy Board
Through Hopkins, we were able to donate April's body to the Maryland State Anatomy Board. Every year, they hold a memorial service and spread the ashes of all bodies that were donated in their memorial garden. It was perfect and we were glad to have a memorial service to attend.
Brain and Tissue Bank
The brain and tissue bank is where we were able to donate part of April's remains. It meant the world to us to have her life give back to scientific advancement and research. The brain and tissue bank at the University of MD accepts babies with a variety of different diagnoses.
Ways to Honor Your Angel
These resources are ideas of ways to honor your special angel.
Ways to Remember Your Baby During the Holidays
Tradition ideas and ways to honor your baby during the holidays.
You Have a Stocking For Your Angel- Now What?
What we are incorporating into our angel's Christmas stocking each year.
A Tree For April
We planted a memorial tree for April Rey today. I had no idea how healing this moment would be. Our 2.5 year old planted and painted rocks. We cried and did a little tiny bit of healing.
Memorial Tattoo in Honor of April Rey
Many people choose to get tattoos in their angel's honor. This is my tattoo and it's meaning. I wanted a nontraditional tattoo that was a celebration, rather than a sad reminder. I love this watercolor effect.
Talking to Other People About Your Angel
Talking to other people about a child that died can be difficult. Difficult for us, and difficult for them. It is even harder to talk about the choice to terminate. Here, you'll find my experiences with this.
I'll say this... not every situation is different, and not every person is worthy of my time to explain. There are times I do and times I don't. It 100% depends on how important the person I'm talking to is to me...
"You Just Have The One Child?"
It was 3 weeks after April had died. 3 weeks. I was at a preschool orientation for our 2.5 year old. I was caught off guard when I had to answer such a simple question. It cut me to my core...
Everything grief related will be posted here. My grief roller coaster, and any grief resources I find.
Grieving Our Daughter- No One Knows How to Navigate the Storm for Themselves
There's this storm that keeps hitting. Over. And over. And over. Each time it feels different and raw. Each time it feels harder and I feel weak.
It's been 2.5 months since we held our daughter in our arms. 2.5 months since we had to say goodbye forever.
Family Trip to the Beach (Ocean City, MD) Winter 2017
Then I looked down. There was a black seashell. It was perfect. As I reached down for it, it was a reminder that April was there on that walk with me. In all the blackness and grief that is in my life, there is fullness. There is happiness.
The Day I Gave In To My Grief: I Served Peach Cobbler and Ice Cream for Breakfast
The acceptance part of my grief was the hardest. For me the hardest part wasn't when we lost April, but when we found out we'd lose her.
Moms- Finding Time To Grieve After The Death Of A Loved One
6 Things You Can Do To Help Yourself Find the Time To Grieve. It's so hard to grieve when you are a mom. There is no time. But it is so important to find the time.
To The First Time Mom Who Made The Heartbreaking Choice To Spare Her Baby Pain
I know you don't have little toes to kiss at night, and sweet baby kisses to get your face all wet. I know you don't have cries to tend to. And I know you are a mom.
A Letter to the Woman in the Waiting Room
I really tried hard to smudge the mascara off my cheeks. I took deep breaths trying to get some colour back in my face which was white with shock. I straighten out my skirt and blouse, as if being well presented was going to make the conversation I was about to have easier.
Quarantine, PTSD, a Paintbrush and Me: How A Gentle Creativity Practice Helps this Mom Through the Isolation of Covid
How quarantine reactivated this loss mom's PTSD, and how she's painting to help...
Resources about Specific Diagnoses
As I come into contact with useful resources regarded specific conditions that our sweet babies are diagnosed with, I plan to post them here.
A Research Project About Trisomy 13 & April Rey's Story
At the beginning of January, I was contacted through my blog. I woke up to the following request, and my heart was so full of joy...
"I have been researching cytogenetic disorders and have recently come across one in particular that I want to learn more about: trisomy 13, Patau syndrome."
Induction and D&E Information
Here you will find a variety of resources and stories about inductions and D&E's as you make your choice for your path.
April Rey's Birth Story - Induction
This is our story of induction- all the details, timing, pills taken, etc.
Why I Chose a D&E - Familial Dysautonomia
Why this mom knew a D&E was the right choice for her.
I Think I Have to Give Birth to My Dying Baby
After who knows what search I made on Google, I had come to the conclusion that after the first trimester, if we chose termination for medical reasons, I’d be forced to give birth to my baby, instead of having a surgical option.
I remember saying to the doctor, “I have to give birth, don’t I?”
He looked at me and said, “We can do whatever you wish to do.”
We were early in the process. We didn’t have our diagnosis yet. In fact, I think I asked this of him the day we did the amniocentesis. So we didn’t know anything certain yet.
Prolife vs Prochoice
Just a few posts to consider and share with friends and family as you go down this journey. Unfortunately, there are politics involved. Many just don't understand. My hope is that these posts can just help others wrap their heads around our "choice".
Pro-life or Pro-choice? Did April's Story Make You Change Your View? Think About New Circumstances?
Many pro-life readers and friends and family supported us through our decision. These are some questions to consider.
When Our Daughter Was Given a Death Sentence, We Were Given a "Choice"
An explanation of our 4 choices- all would have a fatal outcome. Why we chose to induce early.
I Knew I'd NEVER Get An Abortion, But Life Had Other Plans
Fast forward to my second pregnancy, and I again knew this fact about abortion to be truth.
Except this time something happened...
This time I found myself down a path that would terminate our daughter's life. My truth as I'd known it went out the window and I am now medically considered to have had an abortion.
I wanted a special section dedicated to the genetic carriers, because my goodness how hard it is for you all to keep enduring such pain.
The Path of a Genetic Carrier
"It’s continuously starting over hoping that something can be different in your next attempt. It’s the gut wrenching feeling finding out you are pregnant with yet another sick baby.
It is the defective, broken emptiness that comes with not being to do something that comes so naturally and instinctual to our species. It’s the inner void that you feel waiting for your turn to be happy and wondering if it’ll ever happen."