I fell pregnant unexpectedly while on medication (Accutane) and birth control.
I was told that my pregnancy was not viable by all of my health care professionals who cared for me at that time because of the medication I had been taking.
I did, however, have a very caring and understanding midwife who, at my dating scan, showed me everything.
I saw my little baby’s heartbeat and fell in love in an instant. Along with this, however, came all of the defects that my poor little baby would have been born with.
I was told that it was certain that my child growing inside of me would be born with at least one defect. The possible defects that were listed to me were of the heart, brain, head/ skull, face, ears, central nervous system, spontaneous death at birth, and more.
Due to all of this, by the end of my first trimester I had come to a conclusion with my midwife that it would be best for me (due to how hard a pregnancy would have been with my health) and the baby (who I was told wouldn’t live much longer than after birth and whom was struggling to attach to my uterus properly) that a TFMR was the best option.
This, of course, took its toll on me and my partner. By this point, my little miracle who managed to defy the rules of birth control was already struggling to survive in my womb.
Roughly a few weeks after the decision was made, I went to see a specialized midwife and was given medication to soften the tissue in my womb. That alone was enough for my little soldier, who was already struggling to give up. Before I could even go in for the main part of my TFMR, my miniature bundle of joy had already started to part ways with us.
Luckily, I had my partner by my side and that was our way of saying goodbye.
I went into a super early labour at home the day before I was meant to go into the hospital.
Although it was hard, I am glad that my little munchkin didn’t have to suffer any pain, or any surgeries, or any limitating defects.
A peaceful pass, feeling no pain, but still loved as if with us still to this day.
It hurt at the time, but I still to this day would rather what happened than a lifetime (however long or short) of pain.
This is an anonymous guest post.
