I am writing this to help with grief and to tell my angels story.
I was 20 weeks along with my last baby. The day before I was set to find out baby’s gender my water started leaking.
When they finally figured out it was amniotic fluid I had 2 options:
End my pregnancy and deliver my baby or try and make it to 24 weeks and risk my health and the health of my baby (possibly causing serous life long effects).
So, I made the most difficult decision of my entire life.
I went through 24 hrs of labor with no pain meds, and delivered my beautiful little boy Teagan Wayne.
Surrounded by my mom, sis and very best friends we welcome him with smiling faces and kisses.
He was just shy of 1 pound and was 11 1/4 inches long. His tiny heart beat for 38 glorious minutes as mine broke in two.
He never took a breath, but I can remember seeing every beautiful feature.
His nails were starting to show and his eyebrows. He was so handsome.
The hospital staff at Capital Medical Center in Olympia Wa was incredible.
My nurse took some of the most amazing pictures and made footprints that I now carry daily with me in my memorial tattoo.
In such a horrible time they truly made me feel so loved and comfortable.
Next step in my story was explaining to my 10 and 4 year old why mom was not going to be having a baby anymore.
My son Xavier (10) was heartbroken, but was most worried if I was okay.
I explained I was and that it was okay to be upset and sad.
My daughter Namia (4) just did not understand. So Xavier looked at her and said “Our brother baby Teagan is in a daycare called Heaven and GOD is his teacher.”
What an amazing and perfectly put way of describing it to her. I would never have been able to explain it any better, and I stood next to him balling my eyes out at how perfect and strong he was being.
In the next few days I healed physically and attempted not to sink into my self and allow my depression to take hold.
My family and I planned a celebration for him. We got together to share pictures, songs and to release balloons with loving messages to our handsome angel. There were hugs and tears and so much love.
There is no foot too small to not leave and improve on the world.
Forever in our hearts.
Guest Author: Katie Mercer
Mom to 3