Back in March of 2014, we underwent our very first fertility cycle, using IUI (intrauterine insemination).
This fertility cycle was successful (after 1.5 years of trying naturally), and brought us our first child- Caroline.
In March of 2017, we decided to start trying for our second child. April Rey was conceived immediately and without any fertility help.
We had no idea at the time that our worst fears would come true, however. April would be lost to trisomy 13.
In August of 2017 I gave birth and held our daughter for the first and last time. April’s full story can be found on the trisomy 13 page.
Fast forward to March of 2018, and I had yet to fall pregnant again, despite the fact that we’d not prevented since April was born, last August.
It had been 7 months, and we knew that we’d want to explore the option of fertility treatments again.
While we knew we’d never be completely mentally and emotionally ready for another child, we also knew that we wanted another child in our family.
And so, with that in mind, we started fertility cycles.
Our first cycle in March of 2018 was a failed IUI cycle. I had ovulated early.
As a result, the second cycle was pushed up and happened much faster. On day 10 of my cycle, I had follicles that were mature enough to get the process started.
I did my trigger shot that evening, and the IUI was the next day.
Seven days later, I remember telling my husband that the cycle didn’t work. I noticed a tiny bit of bleeding, and assumed I was starting my period. He asked if I was sure…
I informed him that it could be something called implantation bleeding. I knew, however, that it wasn’t likely to notice.
Most women HOPE that’s what they are seeing, and they talk about it in fertility forums like crazy, but most don’t notice it.
I became a bit hopeful, however, because the “bleeding” was different and extremely minimal. It wasn’t red, and it wasn’t brown. Nothing usual about it. It was light pink. Pretty pink and hardly noticeable.
Three days later I saw it. Two lines. A positive pregnancy test!
And a few days after that, I took my first blood test. On May 11th, as we parked to go to settlement for our new house, we got the phone call.
My HCG levels were at 167.
I was definitely pregnant.
My emotions were different this time around, however…
My test results and timing:
IUI– Friday 4/27, day 11 of my cycle
Implantation bleeding– 7 days post IUI
First positive pregnancy test– 10 days post IUI
1st HCG test (Friday 5/11)- 167
2nd HCG test (Tuesday 5/15)- 958
3rd HCG test (Thursday 5/17)- 2432
I was relieved to be done. Done with the process of trying to get pregnant.
It had felt like a huge slap in the face every time I entered the fertility clinic. I did not enjoy the process in the slightest and I felt like it heightened my grief.
I was sad. While I knew it wasn’t true, it felt like this pregnancy was going to mean that I was moving on from April.
Here I am 7 weeks pregnant and my emotions are still all over the place.
I haven’t yet experienced the pure joy and happiness that usually comes with my pregnancies. I haven’t been able to shake the sadness. I think of April. I miss her.
I wish so badly this was her- a second chance to be built right- A chance for me to build her correctly. I cry that my body failed us and didn’t take care of her.
I then cry that I am not happier right now. I cry and feel guilty about feeling sad. I want so desperately to just feel the joy right now.
I know I need to let my heart do what it needs to do. I need to let these emotions be ok.
I also know how fiercely I’ll love this little one. There’s no doubt in my mind the love that will be there. But I long to feel it now.
The Rainbow Pregnancy
This pregnancy, as with every other one I’ve had, is considered to be high risk.
My first pregnancy was high risk due to having cholestasis. I also had a short cervix and had to be put on early bed rest. I had to deliver at 37 weeks to make sure Caroline would be ok.
My second pregnancy was high risk due to the risk of having cholestasis again, and the fact that we’d caught something…I have a condition called antiphospholipid syndrome.
It makes me a super high risk for miscarriage. As a result, I have to do daily injections of Lovenox (a blood thinner), and I have to be monitored closely.
Then, of course, we found out that April had trisomy 13.
So, my third pregnancy is high risk for all of the above reasons. I am again to be closely monitored for cholestasis, I have to do the daily injections of Lovenox and be monitored frequently.
Due to our previous pregnancy with trisomy 13, we will also be checked earlier and more frequently from what I understand.
We are at no increased risk of this happening again, but once you have a chromosomal abnormality pop up, doctors get cautious.
So the good news, is that I have a ton of extra ultrasound pictures in my future 🙂
As of week 7, my nausea is not nearly as bad as it was with the first two pregnancies. Now, as I type this, I am a few days away from week 8 and the nausea is creeping in more frequently.
Smells set me off big time for my first two pregnancies. Sliced bread was the worst thing to happen to my nose, ever. This pregnancy, the smells just aren’t heightened in any way- yet.
Last year I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. My biggest symptoms and reasons for getting tested, are joint pains, and fatigue. As a result of this diagnosis, I take B12 shots every month.
When I am pregnant, the fatigue is at it’s worst. My arms and legs feel like they have 50 pound weights on them. My body feels like it can’t do anything. My brain has energy, but my body is dragging.
This pregnancy is no different. It may actually be a bit worse this time. I am just feeling so drained.
I wouldn’t say that I’ve ever had cravings really. I have a safe food list usually. It typically consists of cereal and cheese. Oh and chocolate milk shakes.
This pregnancy, I could take it or leave it. I have no real preference for these items. No dislike either.
Again, my sense of smell is not super heightened, so I am not having huge aversions to any food.
There are times when food is just not agreeing with me and I struggle to eat it and get it down, but it’s very random and more just because I’m not feeling great.
Overall, I’d describe this pregnancy as worse in the fatigue department, but better with the nausea. As a result of the differences, I am inclined to guess that this little one is a boy.
But, my gut all along has said a girl. So, who knows. If I had to bet, I’d bet on it being a boy simply because of the symptoms, though.
Good news for us, is that we’ll likely find out early if it’s going to be William or Amelia. With all of the early screenings, we’ll most certainly get a DNA test in there and find out the sex!