Well, the time has come. I’m 34 weeks and 1 day. I’ve been admitted to the hospital today, and will be induced tomorrow.
I am nervous on so many levels.
I’m here because of my mama gut. My mama senses that made me feel like something wasn’t right yesterday.
I spent the morning calling my OB and my perinatologist. I sat in the glider and cried.
William wasn’t moving like he usually does.
Maybe he’s tired because I’m up all night scratching every inch of my body due to cholestasis.
Or maybe there’s something wrong. I have no idea. He was moving, but it just wasn’t the same.
And so I went in for an emergency appointment.
My perinatologist ran a BPP (biophysical profile) on William. Everything looks great on the screen.
Fluid levels are good, movements are good, he’s taking practice breaths, and passing everything with flying colors.
But it’s different.
Maybe it’s all in my head. Maybe this is what happens to Mamas that have lost babies. They worry too much.
Or maybe there’s something wrong. Maybe the increased bile acid levels are starting to impact him.
With cholestasis, it can all change in an instant. A happy wiggly baby one moment, can die the next and be stillborn.
That’s not something I want to mess around with.
I also don’t want him born too early and have a NICU stay. But a NICU stay is better than dying inside of me.
And so, the tears came. Right there at the doctor’s office.
My doctor got on the phone with the hospital immediately and gave them instructions.
He told them to prepare for my possible arrival this weekend.
He told them if I came in, to give two rounds of steroid shots, and induce me. No questions.
And then he told me it was up to me and how I was feeling. If things weren’t right, he’d rather trust my instincts than an ultrasound. Better for him to be out than for something to happen.
He texted the doctor on call. He made arrangements in case I made the decision to come in.
And so then we talked. I talked to my husband. I felt all of the movements from my belly. I tried to rationalize keeping him in for fear of making a bad decision.
But I already knew. My husband pointed out, that I’d already been worried enough to go in for an extra ultrasound. That was our answer.
This morning I woke and had the same feeling about William’s movements. They were there, but different.
And so I called my OB. I told her to expect my arrival at the hospital.
At triage, they gave me the first of 2 steroid shots to help with lung development.
They put an IV in. They did the Group B Strep culture.
My second steroid shot will be 12 hours later.
12 hours after that I’ll be induced. It will be around lunch time tomorrow (Sunday 12/9/18).
Most of today was spent at the hospital. My husband and Caroline came. I am all checked in and in a private room now.
My parents are driving up and will be here to look after Caroline.
Here we go. Ready or not.
As I write this, Caroline and Joe are at home checking on the dogs, and waiting on Nana and Grandpa to arrive.
Caroline just called in tears missing me. Poor girl is sick, she’s tired (no nap today while at the hospital), and she misses Mama.
I know she’s also scared. She’s scared that I won’t be ok. She’s scared that William won’t be ok.
I will be so happy when William is finally here. He’s a big boy, and he’s going to do great. I’m ready for all of this to just be over.
Keep us in your thoughts tomorrow, please.
